‪”Welcome to France President Trump, we’re so happy to celebrate Bastille Day with you and the First Lady, I trust all is well at home?” said President Emmanuel Macron, greeting the Trumps at their pre-Bastille Day meeting ‬at Les Invalides, the site of Napoleon’s tomb. 

‪A guy named Don from Manhattan‬ ‪got an email he knew to be happenin’‬

‪It promised shit on his Daddy’s big rival,‬ ‪and might be their only shot at survival. ‬

‪He got the note from a big tub named Goldstone, who obviously spent all his free time at Coldstone. ‬

‪Goldstone told Don about this lawyer with news and said “hurry up! Go on, tell the Jews!”‬

‪Don checked in with Paul and his bro-in-law too, they all set up a date, day nine in June.‬

‪The meeting came on a day with some showers (not that kind), Goldstone met them there at Trump Towers (and then checked in on Facebook 🙄). ‬

‪The room was filled with loads of endorphins, until the lawyer started in on talk about orphans. What????‬

‪Donny and Paul and Jared were mad, they really wanted to help out ol’ Dad. ‬

‪They had set up this meeting to hear all the dirt, but got nothing but shit from that broad in a skirt. ‬

‪Punchline is, it’s never very smart to commit treason, even if you think you have a really good reason. ‬
‪

‪When she wasn’t at The White House delivering blatant bullshit with the disposition of a starved gorilla, Sarah Huckabee Sanders enjoyed her downtime. Nothing made one side of her mouth go up a little bit than playing with her raptor ‬‪Beezlebub. Man could he catch a baby bunny! Sanders also enjoyed letting her daughter play on Twitter while she spoke in tongues and twirled snakes. Once Kellyanne even took her to a Jenny Craig meeting. She did so have fun. To hell with the haters. ‬

‪Ivanka was still distraught over the panel she sat in on for her father at the G20 Summit in Hamburg last week. It wasn’t the attacks from the media all over the world, or the annoyance at having to cover for her father again because he was feeling a little “Big Macky ” or even the fact that the Chinese President, Xi Jinping smelled so strongly of shoe polish. It was Justin. Despite all of her jockeying to land a seat next to, or across, from him at the table she was shoved in a seat with no view or no ability for finger touching. The meeting made the whole Nordstrom thing seem like child’s play. Now the meeting with Russia her dumb brother had. Well…‬

‪The first date went well Don thought. He felt fuzzy, almost dizzy, with… with what? Was it the Russian Leather aftershave? Testosterone? “Oh god I’ve got to get a grip” Don muttered. At least he and Vlad had big plans for the night. The rumor about his staff not getting it together in time to get hotel rooms? Fake News! Vlad knew Don would want a little golden shower action in Hamburg, and he knew just the people to call…‬

‪”Twas the night before Putin and all‬ ‪through the land, White House staffers were shouting “watch out for that man.” ‬

‪They knew Trump was smitten, he’d said so himself, what would he tell Vlad, his petite Russian elf?‬
‪Would he agree to no sanctions, share nuclear codes, or give away secrets in huge, massive loads?‬
‪There was only one thing White House staffers could do, make sure that the meeting room held more than two. ‬
‪The more ears the better to listen to Trump, his staff was so nervous, he could be such a chump. ‬
‪Would he thank Vlad for helping him land in this seat? “Awwww thanks you big killer, you are pretty neat.”‬

‪Trump was a boob that much was clear, would Putin regret wanting him near?‬
‪His staff, they sure hoped so, it was getting so bad, that Trump knit a scarf that said simply “Vlad,” (because he didn’t know how to spell Vladimir)

‪If a kiss starts to form on the lips of Don Trump. They are to tackle the legs of that big orange grump. ‬
When this meeting was over there would be such relief,  now back to the White House you rat bastard thief. ‬

‪Flustered by his impending meeting with Vladimir Putin and furious over the unfair treatment he’s received over the video of him beating the shit out of a CNN reporter, Donald Trump deplanes Air Force One and squeezes past the enormous, hard to miss limo that’s taking him back to The White House, in search of the limo that’s taking him back to The White House. ‬

And with a tap of a finger on the Tweet icon Mika Brzezinski blew the shit up. 

‪@POTUS Yr party sucked No on Flift Was wrng crown of red garlic to keep you away from my pussy. Thanks for our ratings! ‬

The celebratory vultures were getting antsy in their holding pen. Was this ACA repeal and “replace” ever happening? At first they were so excited to do their synchronized act where they peck the eyes out of all the residents of West Virginia, but now they were hungry. They also knew where Mitch McConnell lived…

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is so glad that it’s Monday. It’s nice to observe Sunday resting and churching and all but it’s gonna feel soooo good to start lying again. What a rush man, damn…