Chris Christie regrets fussing about Donald Trump making him eat meatloaf for lunch at The White House back in February when everyone else got to pick their own dish. Truth is — he freaking loves it.  As he unsuccessfully tries to replicate the recipe at his NJ home, he snickers over the irony that he was tapped to launch a commission to combat drug addiction. He is an addict and that meatloaf is his drug of choice. Don’t eff this job up Chris, don’t eff this up.” 

Vladimir Putin wishes he hadn’t picked such a boob of a man to be his US puppet. Sigh.

Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been the same since she was sent to the basement for incessant barking. She loves to bark and enjoys her voice. She is strong and proud and loud. She is a German shepherd, a Rottweiler, a Mastiff! Whoops! alternative facts again. Hee Hee it’s so hard not to give them. Well, at least her inauguration outfit still looks great on her. 

Stealing a rare moment for himself Jared Kushner wonders how his role as “senior advisor to the president” got to be more work than the presidents job? It’s enough that he’s in charge of managing peace in the Middle East and managing Mexican and Canadian relations,  now he’s got to deal with the opioid crisis and veterans affairs??? He’s glad he agreed to testify about Russian ties. He may just spill the beans. Prison has got to be more relaxing than this bullshit. 

One thing he knows for sure, sundown on Friday cannot come soon enough. 

Breathless from racing out of a town car and into an Uber and then across the White House grounds, Devin Nunes feels allegiance and pride. He will not let his master down. He will not.