Imogen and Harriett had just finished up a quick trip to the playground to let the boys stretch their feet when they saw it. An armada of United States War Ships bobbing in the waters off the coast of Australia, the largest one painted gold with #MAGA written in red, white and blue lettering. “Isn’t that the ship the orange man was sending to North Korea” asked Imogen? “Yep,” Harriet said munching some grass, “what a wanker. Can’t even get anything right.”

Ivanka Trump, the eldest Trump daughter, referred to by secret service as FFKOPOTUS (favorite first kid of prez of Merica), was p’d to the O big time. No sooner had she spoon fed china’s president Xi Jingping a gorgeous sliver of beautiful chocolate cake when word of her trademark deal with China leaked out. “Ugh” just “Ugh,” and she was so pleased with herself for being so sly. Nordstrom’s would have a hay day with this! As IF she didn’t have enough on her plate with the constant mockery of her dolt husband in his blue blazer and life jacket. 

Man does this all just chap her thonged ass. 

Mitch McConnell had to do some fast, fancy footwork indeed to make it behind that column before “she” saw him. Oooh “she” made him so angry he could spit just thinking about it. Mocking him at the Sessions hearing by reading that letter from that dead, black lady. And now, and  now! this persistent need to get right up his grill and say “Hello Mitchell” in a low and, is that a sexy voice? 

“Whew,” sighed O’Connell, pleased with his trickery, “it sure feels great to smile again.”

Sean Spicer was a bite away from the gooey explosion of his 3rd Cadbury Cream Egg yesterday morning when it hit him across the face like his Nazi comments heard around the world. He really WAS better at playing a mute bunny than he is at pretending to be a speaking Press Secretary. 

Melania Trump’s new communications director Stephanie Grisham started her new job on Monday, April 10th surprised to learn she was tasked with “finalizing” the details for the famous White House Easter Egg roll to be held exactly one week later. On her To Do list: invite children, book an A List band to perform, get some of those Sesame Street characters, confirm the military bands and order the GD eggs. 

“Well,” thought Grisham as she slammed down the phone after learning that PBS would send only Oscar’s garbage can to the roll, “this will teach those losers not to wait until the last minute.” At least she was able to secure Bro4, an unknown boy band of brothers from Jersey.  It remains to be seen how Bro4 will fit in with the military bands that will also perform. 

Theodore James Kushner, age 1, the youngest child of Ivanka and Jared Kushner knows stink when he smells it. And no, he’s not talking about the blowout he just had in his “dry-clean only” Mini Rodini linen shorts outfit (although that was a doozy). He’s thinking about Grandpa Donny and what a weird dude he is. Always yelling and shouting MAGA!, pumping his little arm up and down, ramming bites of “beautiful chocolate cake” and Russian caviar down his throat and shouting at the tall lady he’ll have to call Mrs. Trump. 

Truth be told, Theo thinks Mrs. Trump is so frosty and Grandpa Donny is scattered and kind of a loser. “This Easter egg hunt is going to suck,” he sighed, rolling over for his nap.  

“I’m not going to deny that I talked with that rooster,” said Carter Page appearing on a popular barnyard talk show “All In with Miss Mayes,” although, I will say that I never met him anywhere outside of the hen house. Let’s just say that much.”

“I may have met him – possibly – it might have been in the hen house,” Page added, after more prodding from the host.

Melania Trump’s totally unfounded claims that Baron is allergic to “the hairs of those black dogs that lived here before” have fallen on deaf ears and soon they must leave their gilded palace and head to The White House.  “What bullshit, she fumes, “I hate that house of white, I hate Donny, I hate those smiling wives from the other countries. I should have stayed dancing and “dating” in Slovenia.” With a quick turn of her heels into her limo she smiles slyly, at least her official portrait is sexy. “Airbrushed my ass.” Well, maybe a little…

“Sweet baby Jesus in the manger!” did that kid’s bubble scare Mike Pence half to death as he dined alone at The Melting Pot. His eyes, glassy from eating too much cheese, mistook it for a woman dining at his table. “I’m sorry Mother, I’m sorry…”

Neil Gorsuch super regrets this damn Supreme Court nonsense. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, all day with the questions … Waaaa the poor cold truck driver….Waaaa the Autistic kid….Waaaa Hobby Lobby. Just shut up already. His head pounds and don’t EVEN get him started on his arm pain. Ever since the vigorous handshake with that boob Trump at his January nomination his arms feel like they’ve been yanked off.