Education secretary Betsy DeVos was still rattled from being booed last week when she delivered the commencement speech at Bethune-Cookman University, a historically black college in Florida. Grabbing a Montblanc gold classique fountain pen from her pen cup she starts composing a letter on her Tiffany stationary.

“Deer terrble parents,
You dont know me but I tawk’d to your kidz last week at gradution and they wer very rood. Teech them maners plez

Sincerely,

Betsy DeVos

Addressing the envelope to the president of the university, DeVos shakes her freshly colored hair and brays with disappointment. Holy Jesus above but these students were savages. Did their mothers not teach them anything?