Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, age 95, had never felt better since he decided to step down from royal functions to take care of his great grandchildren full time. Truthfully when faced with retirement or meeting that knob head Trump he’d choose the former every time. “Let “Cabbage” drive that plonker around in that gaudy buggy,” Philip thinks, referring to his wife by her much loathed nickname, “Maybe they’ll run over the Corgis, I hate those assholes.”

Stopping to reprimand George for picking his nose, Philip has a sudden realization, 

“I just hope that wanker keeps his hands off of her….”